Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
