just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
