I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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