Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my poor anus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
