you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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