Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
