Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
