I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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