Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
