meet me or not, i'm out of control
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
