Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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