my mouth tastes like poor choices
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
