you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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