Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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