found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
