sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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