Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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