She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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