she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize