whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
