using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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