I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
