Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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