I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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