I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
