Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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