Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
