nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
