guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
