my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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