Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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