Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
