maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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