Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
