what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
