My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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