I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
