I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
