they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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