Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
