Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
