I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
