The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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