I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
