btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So squirting runs in the family.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
