I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
