my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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