Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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