Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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