letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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