i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm at about main and main street
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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