The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
