I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
