So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
