and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
