I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
