So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
