i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
