Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
