I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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