I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize