Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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