We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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