first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize