bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
