Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Two words: blizzard sex
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
