He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
